SATURDAY NIGHT SCREAMSHEET 2: here at Vircades Project we spent good money on a subscription to the a time-traveller's news digest, but all we got in return a bunch of celebutante garbage. Still, I was able to turn it into an adventure, below the jump...
KASHA SEEKS LEGAL INHERITANCE
Network 60 Daily Update
...legal complications following the death of Enrique Solo (54). The SoloGene founder, eccentric billionaire and uplift pioneer left no will. His two children (Leo and America Solo, both 14) and his former partner (Ms Jara Mitchell of Fort Worth TX, 42) have both put forward claims on his estimated $4.5 billion worth, while contesting a number of patents with SoloGene.
The intervention of Kasha has further complicated the affair. The celebrity cat has made claims to membership in the Solo family and produced verified online message transcripts indicating that Mr Solo wished him to have an inheritance. He further alleges that SoloGene is responsible for wholesale tampering with Mr Solo’s personal cloud server data store, removing evidence of Mr Solo’s intentions. Independent security experts confirm that some tampering certainly took place but cannot clearly identify a culprit. Kasha’s belief in SoloGene’s complicity is backed by the chat logs, in which Mr Solo himself alleged that SoloGene was intentionally acting to prevent further development of the cat uplift patent.
INVESTORS PRESS SOLOGENE FOR ANSWERS
...Following the announcement of the successful Kasha project, investors have eagerly awaited the release of a successful cat uplift product onto the market. Indeed, the original announcement caused SoloGene stock to rise almost 430% and funded their major expansion through the last twelve quarters. Few of these investors expected immediate results and were simply happy to see SoloGene remain profitable through its period of expansion.
Five years later, shareholder patience has run out. Many admit to investing out of a simple desire to see uplifted cats reach the market, rather than any economically pragmatic reason. The “cat fancier” faction among the shareholders was willing to live with low dividends and high research costs in pursuit of this goal. But with no obvious progress yet made, they want answers from the board. Kasha’s recent accusations have fuelled a fire among investors that may yet burn SoloGene to the ground.
PETULANT AMERICA SOLO DEMANDS “SENTIENT CAT DISSECTION”
Outraged Citizen Monthly
America Solo shocked the world this morning with claims that Kasha the uplifted cat is “nothing but a fraud.” “My father was not an honest man. The so-called uplift-cat is nothing but a bio-computer AI implanted in a bio-drone. Impressive tech but no more sentient than a Mr Wacko(™) doll.” She further called upon Kasha to submit to medical testing to disprove her allegations. Kasha’s lawyers replied that such testing could not be adequately carried out without invasive surgery and severe risk to their client. Kasha himself used last's nights Tonight Show appearance to make wry comments about America Solo’s own intellectual faculties. “She loves Bop Metal, after all…”